Thursday, May 31, 2012

Things That Are Not Okay (in list form).


If you cannot tell by now, I like lists. I number my thoughts in my brain before I unfilteredly spew them out for you to read, so I feel it is only natural to type them as such. Plus, it makes me look really organized and makes things easy to read. Win-win.

Before I get into my list-making, I just want to start off with a completely unrelated topic. My hair. It is at such an un-awkward length right now and it's just behaving so well lately. If I could give it a Gold Star, I absolutely would. I would even let it sit in the special teacher's helper chair and act as line leader for the day...just like my Kindergarten class did when it was a student's Birthday. Too bad that on my Birthday I was moved up into the First Grade class and had my helper chair dreams violently ripped from my hands RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. ON MY BIRTHD...

Sorry. I still get a little upset.

Anyways, my hair:
It straightens. 
It curls.
It doesn't make me look like a five-year old with baby-cheeks. I really think that I look AT LEAST 15 now. So there's that. I still pray that I will wake up and it will somehow be down to almost-my-waist again, but it will get there...eventually.

Hokay. List time. Today's list is brought to you by the letter "T". The letter "T" stands for "Things that make Meaghan the most irritated girl."

In no particular order...

1. Badly behaved children/ Children with a lack of manners/ Honestly, most children in general. I will not talk to your nugget as though it is a fragile gem...and I'm pretty positive that asking little Jenny to "please stop rolling on the floor in the public restroom, darlingcakes. You're being oh-so-silly" will NOT make your unhygenic child stop her misbehavior. Treat your children like humans and talk to them in a normal voice and they will turn out just fine. My mother stopped letting me win at board games when I turned 3...true, I may not be exceptional at team sports, but damn it I turned out just fine.
Actual Toddler- Meaghan. Baby face then, Baby face now.
2. When people feel the need to make rude comments just for the sake of being rude. I'm not talking about sarcasm...I'm a big advocate of sarcasm. I'm talking completely uncalled for, big-idiot comments that just simply do not need to be said. These can range from "Wow. I wouldn't have bought that dress. Good luck finding a boyfriend wearing that mess." to "You realize no one cares about the self-pics you post on Facebook, right?" Side note: both of these have been verbalized to me before, and to that I say: I could probably not care less. It's called Facebook for a reason...and my sense of style is real weird, like most aspects of my life, and I embrace it. If my style is what is keeping me from having a boyfriend then that is the LEAST of my worries.

Related news (kind of): If you are curious as to see what my requirements in the opposite sex are/ you have 20ish minutes to kill (seriously), then please go here for....yet another list of Meaghanisms.

3. NOT USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL. 

....SERIOUSLY?!?! The minimal effort that it takes to flip on your blinker makes it SO EASY. If you do this in while driving in front of me, you can be certain I am using words that are only appropriate when coming from a Sailor's mouth (and mine on a daily basis, let's just be honest here).

4. Asking for advice and then blatantly ignoring it. Or...even better... asking me my opinion 5 MILLION TIMES and then asking "wait...but are you sure?" REALLY?! Of course I'm sure. I'm not sitting here lying to you. 

5. Telling me that you'll keep me updated on plans and then...oh...yep. Not updating me on plans. I personally think that this is the MOST irritating when the individual gets too intoxicated and forgets to invite you. This is usually followed by the morning-after "omgggggg I'm sorry I was so wasted I completely forgot! Drinks are SOOOO on me next time." 

...orrrrr you can just not be an idiot/rude individual and be considerate of others? Maybe. Try it.

6. Cats.

7. The Sarah Mclachlan Animal Cruelty Video. Just stop. Make it stop.

8. Having to act as the middle-man in awkward situations and then having the entire situation/anger of both sides taken out on you. Did no one get the "Don't shoot the messenger" memo? And then you just have to sit there and take it, because it's way easier that way and because you really just don't know what to do.

9. That one friend who gets "concerned" about your drinking habits or ridiculous antics. Back off me, bro. If you had seen me in college, you would nottttt be concerned right now. 
Yep. Not even concerned.
10. When you're out to eat and that one friend you're with starts commenting on how horrible french fries/pasta/etc. is for the body.................while you're sitting next to them eating french fries. Just let me have my fun.

11. When you offer someone a bite of your sandwich and they take THE BEST PART. Seriously? You really thought that taking a chomp out of the part of the sandwich that I was CLEARLY saving because it was the perfect blend of all the ingredients was a good choice? Think again, compadre. Think again.

12. When people try and push their religion onto me and then wonder why I'm so turned off by their religion. 

13. When you're having a consistent text message conversation and then the other person doesn't text back....or waits like, three hours. Seriously? I know you're there. This also goes along with when people who have iPhones send approx. 8 one-sentence texts in a row. You realize how irritating this is, right? My phone vibrates EVERY TIME. Please just send your texts in essay form. 

14. Bird poop.

15. Generic gifts. If you're not going to take the time to get to know me well enough to know what gift to get me, then please just give me cash or a Target giftcard. I do not want honey-melon body lotion or body spray from Victoria's Secret (but really...who uses body spray anymore?). It's actually worse to get me something that I won't use because then I have to pretend to like it...and I'm not good at that so then we both end up feeling bad...basically, gifts should be given because they have meaning.

So....there's that.

37. I really don't like butterfly designs. They just always come off as cheap to me. They also remind me of Mariah Carey, who also always comes off as cheap to me.





 


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